This is Marina's Story

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
--A. Einstein.

My name is Marina Monica. I am 18 years old and I am a miracle.

That's exactly how I feel five years after going into renal failure and being diagnosed with FSGS. For the past two months I have been trying to write this and each time I sit down I start over again, trying to make it sound right. All I want do is tell the truth and how I feel.

In a way, I feel like I am both a miracle and a hero. I think it's okay to feel that way because determination, courage and belief have brought me this far, as well as love and support from all. If I am a hero, I have been made that way by love and support of others.

Everyone always sugar-coats everything when it comes to disease, but I want people to know the truth. Life has been ROUGH. And yet, I really believe it was all for the best.

I was struck with renal failure from FSGS in September 2000, two weeks after I started my freshman year in high school at age 13.It started when I could not hold down any type of food or liquids and the doctor said I had the flu. But after two weeks my dad suspected it had to be more than just the flu.

I went in to the doctor again, and that's when everything began to unravel. My blood pressure was so high -- 240/140 -- they couldn't believeI was still alive. I was close to having a stroke. I was rushed to ER where they ran tests and all sorts of things. I was so scared after being poked with needles and all the commotion. At last doctors concluded that the problem was my kidneys. My kidneys were almost completely dead.

I was taken to intensive care and I remember feeling so lifeless, lying there with IVs in both arms and feeling so weak not even able to lift my head. After dialysis I stabilized to the point where they could take me up to the transplant unit, but don't think all was well after that.

I stayed in the hospital for the nine months prior to my transplant. Nine months. That nine months gave me lots of time to think, and sort out my emotions.

There were times I didn't want to see anyone and I hated the doctors for not letting me go home. Other times I had to prove to everyone and myself that I had the determination to go through it all. I was put on the renal diet -- low sodium/low potassium/restricted liquids. I lived off boiled chicken and white rice!

Meanwhile, my mother was being tested to see if she could be the kidney donor. That is what happened - my mother gave me one of her kidneys. How can I thank her enough?

My transplant was Jan 31, 2001! I have gone through so much that I have forgotten many things and many people, but every once in a while I have a little flash back of detail. I certainly remember how everyone cared and prayed. I wouldn't be in such a successful state today if not for that.

They say that after nephrectomies the sooner you start walking the better, and usually people start walking after four days. I was determined to beat that and walk as soon as I was allowed to. And I did! I got up and walked a day later!

I suffered for only a few months, but it I am thankful I had the courage and strength to hold on, especially the times when I wanted to give up. I learned and understand now that God had a purpose for me to make it through this experience and be here today and to tell you what life's real meaning is to me: Be courageous and believe that miracles do exist and that everything does happen for a reason.

And to all my fellow FSGS patients and other ill people, especially children and teens, I'd like to say that a positive attitude can help to get through it all, and that there is a purpose and there can be a happy ending.

I graduated high school in June of 2004! It was a very big accomplishment for me, because it was a difficult getting used to teen life as well as transplant life. I struggled through school and many people figured I could not graduate, but that just gave me more determination to prove them all wrong!

Now I am succeeding in college, proving that being ill and having a transplant doesn't mean your life is dead. Your can chose to just live or you can choose to be alive. There is a difference. To live is to just be a warm body. To be living is to enjoy life to the fullest. You can choose. For me, there is a much better life after transplant.

I am enjoying life in every way, even though I have some issues. Because of the medications I have taken, for example, I am 4'11" tall. Like they say, life is short, but then, so am I!

So while you can, you've got to be alive!

Love to all,
Marina

if anyone needs some one to talkto talk to for support or anything at all contact me at marinajmonica@yahoo.com